Thursday, May 07, 2009
I am BACK!
Okay, I really meant to update sooner, but today was the first day I felt like ME! Surgery in your abdomen is not fun. Now I know why those women who VBAC want it so bad! I have been super depressed, and the pain increased before it ever got better. I can't imagine a section, a baby, and all of those HORMONES!
I was a mess before the surgery. They all said oh you have had two babies, this is nothing. So I am thinking okay, two babies born natural, one at home, I can do this! WRONG! This pain surpassed my worst ideas about pain. I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the gut with a knife! I felt so abused and broken! From the moment I woke up I was in horrible pain. The medicine never touched it. The only time I rested was when I slept.
I have a NEW respect for mamas who give birth surgically. Natural birth to me is NOTHING now, it is TOO easy to do it that way! Because it was my foundation for what pain was. That isn't pain, this past week has been pain. I have finally tasted real pain, and I hated it.
I cried, I lost it many times and Matthew would have to bring me back to my senses. He picked me up and helped me to the bathroom, he showered me, he fed me every meal, he was always there. I thought this man was great when I had babies, nope, he is greater when I am in the worst of places. I was really depressed days 2-5.
Last night I started to feel better. Today I was able to focus on things other than the pain. Now the main culprit is the way my surgeon strung me up on fishing line and he anchored it into my belly in another spot. It is really bothering me. Matthew said I scared him last night, he thought I was going to cut it out of me myself. Ha ha! Poor man thought he would have to hold me down.
My back hurts so bad because I can't lay on my sides because of the way he accordian laced my flesh onto the fishing line and anchored it. I can't think on that too long, I feel like a torture victim!
I am mad. I was told that I would feel hardly any pain, it would be a day or two for recovery "pain wise", and that this was nothing compared to the natural birth of my two children. LIARS! I plan on telling them this on the 12th. Can't wait for it actually.
So, if you have had a natural birth, or a birth without a section, know that those women who have had a section are some BRAVE and STRONG women! How they make it through is something I can't wrap my head around right now.
So, I am good, on the mend it seems. Thankful it is over, and afraid of a surgical birth to the very core of me! It was bad...just bad. :(
God has to make the 12th come FAST! I have to get this line out of me!!!! :(