My mother and father were very young when they made me. They were still in high school. My mother never did finish high school because she had to grow up and raise me to the best of her ability. My Ninny Austin, her mother, was very much a part of those early years. She watched me and supplied me with clothing and toys. I loved her so dearly in those years. She and I were very close.
I have blogged here before about her being very ill which led to her salvation. This morning around 7 a.m. she gave up this world and she has moved on. I hold to the fact that I know she was seeking him with her whole tired heart in the end. She was very blessed to have a second chance. She really should have died those many weeks ago. I am so humbled to know that we serve a Lord that desperately loves us and will fight for us until the end. I can only pray that she is nestled in his arms and that the sadness of this life in her later years has been wiped away.
She and I became estranged as she aged and became very angry and bitter. I tried so hard to mend and keep us together. Nothing I did mattered. She attacked my husband and children with horrible words. I pulled away in order to shelter my family and children from her anger. But this never meant that I didn't love her. I just loved her from afar. I said goodbye to her in my own tears years ago. I did have occasion to speak with her once after she became very ill and she told me she loved me and she as sorry.
Ninny Austin, my little girl heart will always remember you. I will remember long drives into the country with dinners at a restuarant and all the mashed potatoes I could fit in my belly. I will remember you praising my singing voice and begging me to learn how to play a guitar. I will remember the way your hugs felt and how you always carted me along with you.
I will always regret that we were seperated by so much anger and bitterness in the end. I know life was hard for you and I am so sorry. I want to imagine you in a beautiful place without pain and without physical ailment both in body and mind.
That photo above is of she and I when I was a baby. She always looked like that in photos when she was holding me. I can only think that I brought her happiness during some of my life. I am just sad that she pushed us away so harshly. I don't know that I will ever get over that.
She was Great GiGi to my children. But they don't know her. :( They will never know the woman I knew and loved. This makes me sad.
She leaves behind 2 beautiful daughters and a son. Please be in prayer for them all. They miss their mama something awful! :(
Ninny Austin! I love you! Ninny Austin! I can't wait to see you in new life! HUGS! Know I never stopped loving you. Goodbye for now. :(
6 comments:
Such a touching blog Chelita. My prayers go out to you and your family. Your boys will know her through the stories that you will tell them. So there will be wonderful memories for y'all to share. I have also left a little surprise for you on my blog. HUGZ to you my fried.
Oh, sweetie... I am sorry for your loss and please know that your family will be in my prayers as you mourn for her. May God grant you healing and peace. {hugs}
I like to think that this had a happy ending for you...and for her. It hurts to lose a close relationship...one that is so much a part of who you are. You have carried a lot of hurt around...but right along beside the love for her that you never lost. You were an amazing granddaughter for her. I'm sorry for your loss..and for your mom's loss!
I am sorry for your loss, Chelita. I am sure she will be waiting for you with open arms and all the things from the past will be forgotten. Prayers for your family.
I'm sorry.
I'll be thinking of you! We all have someone special that was a dear part of our childhood. I have my dear Enid. Every memory is always a smile. It sounds like yours are the same.
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